Dear Nintendo…

03Jun08

Dear Nintendo…

My first post here on Negative Gamers and my first victim will be… (drum roll please) NINTENDO.

Let me get something straight first. Nintendo…I love you. You were my childhood hero, and I don’t hate you anymore than I hate Sony and Microsoft. In fact, I think you are superior to them in many ways, especially in of sales and profits. But, you do need to make some changes, because you are screwing gamers like me, who crave for more violent games with more matured content. I don’t want another fucking Mario game, so please take this article into consideration.

I’m sure there are technical difficulties such as Wii’s hardware flaw or profit issues with these games because I understand that the Wii wants to be a family system. But enough is enough. I want to see some fucking mind blowing, revolutionary, and most importantly gory game from Nintendo and that has not occurred yet.

Charts:

Just look at Amazon’s top seller within the video game category and you will notice that Nintendo dominates the chart with many of its products positioned within the top 8.

Well what’s the problem with this?

Nothing, this just proves that Nintendo is doing great, so hats off to you.

The Rant:

Ok, here we go. Feel free to send me hate mail or tell me how I am fucking wrong or retarded Nintendo lovers, but I am simply expressing my view.

The Kiddies Games:

Take a look at those 8 games and what do they all have in common? It’s all for kids. The plastic wheel to the Mario games and the Lego games, it’s all for fucking 7 year olds.

Nintendo, I am begging you. MAKE GAMES FOR ADULTS ALREADY!

We’ve all played the Mario games before, and it’s the same shit every year. Add a little gimmick with 3 new characters and bam! you have the new Mario game.

We need some VIOLENCE! And NO! Super Smash Brothers Violence ain’t enough. I need some prison mates shanked or heads blown off. I may be asking for too much because I do understand that the Wii has some limitations because of its hardware, and any 3d will look like shit. But if it is in anyway possible, please make games for Adults.

The Plastic Piece of Shit:

Another part of my rant goes to the fact that the Nintendo wheel is at number 2 in terms of sales.

What the fuck people. This wheel is not some cool gadget or device that will revolutionize your gaming. It’s a fucking white plastic shaped like a wheel that is made in China for 2 cents. I’ve held it before, and it’s a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PLASTIC.

What are people thinking? Who the fuck is buying this shit?

THE WII FIT:

I will have a full post of rant about wii fit soon, but for now, let me just say that the Wii fit can suck my dick.

I’m pretty sure that most of the people are buying this because they think it’s healthy or they want to lose weight, because if you think that the wii fit will provide you with $90 worth of pure entertainment, get you fucking brain checked.

Now I’m no expert in the field of weight loss. In fact, I am cursed with super high metabolism and have been skinny and under weight most of my life. How did I pack on weight and regain my self esteem? Through hard work in the gym and a proper diet that’s what.

If you expect to lose weight and get healthy through some shit you do in front of TV, then fucking forget it. What’s the difference between the Wii fit and those scams of a workout DVDs that you see on Saturday morning TV? Nothing.

Bite the bullet and join a gym and break a sweat. 90% chance that Wii fit won’t have an effect on your fat ass.

Guitar Hero:

This doesn’t just fall under Nintendo, but pretty much every major system. What is so attracting about Guitar Hero? Is the music? The guitar?

Well, I have nothing against music, but do you really need to play some song with a fake, miniature, plastic guitar? Is it really worth $90? I see my friends addicted to guitar hero and it sickens my heart.

Playing an instrument takes real skill and dedication, and playing a half sized guitar with colored button doesn’t count. It’s a fucking baby toy.

Just remember this: You will NOT get laid playing a plastic guitar.

Well, that’s the end of my rant. Hope you got offended, and Nintendo, please. Make some violence games.

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Tags: Ds, Games, Humor, Nintendo, Rant, Wii